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A few tanka. Comments welcome.  


Stuart Quine
(@stuartquine0gmail-com)
Eminent Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 29
Topic starter  

At the laundrette

watching my thoughts

tumble over

  the many greys

  of my life alone.

 

Hey, that's me!

The grinning boy in the photo

holding at arm's length

the rotting carcass

of a dogfish.

 

Twenty years ago

she was in my dreams

now she's here again ...

her wide mouth,

her sardonic smile.

 

Summer moon...

taken from the laundry

I push my face

into her nightdress

for its musky scent.

 

Such is life...

a pachinko ball

careering wildly

between bells

and lights.

 

Best wishes, Stuart.


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Jonathan Buckley
(@mejpdbuckley-co-uk)
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Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 16
 

Sensuous, bitter sweet and melancholic. Lovely


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Heather Dyer
(@heatherdyerbooksgmail-com)
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Posts: 23
 

Wonderful, suspended always in the gap of 'suchness'. Lovely. 


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Stuart Quine
(@stuartquine0gmail-com)
Eminent Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 29
Topic starter  

Thanks. I'm pleased you like them.

 

best wishes Stuart.


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Stuart Quine
(@stuartquine0gmail-com)
Eminent Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 29
Topic starter  

Thanks. I'm pleased you like them.

 

best wishes Stuart.


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George Marsh
(@george-marsh)
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Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 49
 

Dear Stuart, I don't feel competent to comment on tanka. I've never taken any interest in them or seen the point of them, and so never studied them and learned about their structure and strengths. In English we did not have a form like haiku and needed one. But we have an infinite variety of poems from quatrains up and I don't know what extra is offered by tanka. Am I right that in Japanese they specialise in Romance?

Anyway, I think these five liners could make very good haiku if cut down to three lines. But then I am reading them as a haiku reader. If I read them as a tanka reader they would probably make very genre-happy examples of the form.


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Stuart Quine
(@stuartquine0gmail-com)
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Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 29
Topic starter  

Hi George,

Haiku will always be my first love but tanka can give more space to develop aspects which would be lost if they were truncated into a haiku. Traditionally they were often about romance but the range of contemporary tanka is very much broader. 

Best wishes, Stuart.


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