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A few recent three-liners for comment.  


Stuart Quine
(@stuartquine0gmail-com)
Eminent Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 29
Topic starter  

Daylight robbery -

the herring gull hops off 

with my battered fish.

 

Sundown...

at the heart of the bush

the last red berry

 

Warmth of the snug...

the old regulars nursing pints

of bitter and mild.

 

In a party hat,

a morose middle manager

dreams of murder.

 

Heartbreak forgotten -

the sudden redness

of rowan berries.

 

At Todaiji

the sacred deer

steal my nuts.

 

Stuart.


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George Marsh
(@george-marsh)
Eminent Member Admin
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 49
 

Very funny, Stuart! The old regulars, bitter and mild, are amusing characters, but so is the sad clown who always gets his lunch nicked by the wildlife. The last red berry is wonderful but also amusing in its hard lack of grandeur.


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Heather Dyer
(@heatherdyerbooksgmail-com)
Eminent Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 23
 

These are lovely. I particularly liked both haiku with berries in them, really beautiful. One tiny suggestion but I'm not sure of it myself, would be to drop the 'of' in 'of bitter and mild'? 

h x


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Jonathan Buckley
(@mejpdbuckley-co-uk)
Active Member
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 16
 

Stunning, particularly the last red berry in the bush. 


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